In the event my review gets rejected for censorship (which is likely since I did call the director the possessor of a phallus shaped noggin), I'm going to post this here. I did give this a paragraph of rambling back in October but I felt that since it's finally going to be on DVD, I should give it an appropriate review. It has been awhile since I saw it and I feel that I may have to give it a second chance, but I still didn't like it.
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I originally saw this over 6 months ago in Chicago while I was at one of Horror Society's film festivals. While I saw a bunch of great indie flicks (Slime City Massacre, A Serbian Film, and Popatopolis were the three best feature length ones), I also saw some I didn't like. This was the worst of all the feature films I saw during the 2 day party.
Here's what I liked about it:
1. It was a horror anthology and I am a huge sucker for them.
2. I actually liked the idea of the first 2 stories.
Here's what I hated about it:
1. First story seems to go nowhere after dragging on for a long time.
2. Very predictable ending to the second story.
3. Third story is incredibly unoriginal. Ever see Teeth or Alien? Imagine a combination of the two along with a story of rape/revenge.
4. The special effects look as though they were added by the most basic software. If you hate that "SCARY FACE" effect that everybody and their mother who has a youtube love to try and show off, then you will want to kill yourself before the second story is over. The effect might have been cool in the 80s, but it is not scary and looks like crap.
5. The tie-in story is horrible. It's not well explained and the end "pay-off" is foreseeable and lame. Reminds me of the tie-in story to Late Fee (Ugh. Better not remind myself of that).
Now I'm giving it a 2/5 because I may give this a second chance. From what I remember it was a 1 but that could be for a few reasons :
1. The event was public admission - Being an established reviewer in the horror community, it get's bothersome to try and critique films while a large family with a ratio of 4 kids under the age of 10 to 1 mom are screaming at everything that happens around them. This doesn't just pertain to this film but it ties into my next two points.
2. It was the "WORLD PREMIERE"!!!!!! - This normally isn't a bad thing but it seems like 400 more people entered the Portage theater right as this was about to start. This includes but is not limited to one no-name reporter douche (No offense. I myself fall under this category occasionally) and his camera guy, the possibly homeless, many passerbys who wanna feel a part of something,the false hope-filled aspiring youth and also those who are those involved with #3.
3. The whole cast and crew (and their families, friends, acquaintances, and possible enemies) showed up to the event - What's worse than a theater full of obnoxious people? A theater full of obnoxious people and their "friends"/family watching a movie they were in. It's depressing since I usually express that people be proud of a hard job well done. Since this was poorly done, it doesn't apply here. The special part of the crowd spent the full time saying such insightful "Oh look dare I am!!!" and "Oh snap!!!" and "Baby you were such a good little actress". The wolf whistles were funny when we got to see a glimpse of Marv Blauvelt's beautiful backside but after hearing it everytime an average to good looking chick or kiss was on screen gets annoying.
Oh and the director Anthony G. Sumner is a dickhead. Before the screening, he pretty much informs everyone to keep their harsh criticisms to themselves and that he would just accept any applause as a job well done. After the film ended, and all the "sheeple" around me were clapping as though they just watched Vincent Price performing Hamlet, he had the audacity to go around surveying the audience as though he just made a film as amazing as Apocalypse. He asked me if I liked it, while sporting an evil grin, and I kindly gave him a **** eating grin right back to make it obvious that I had not enjoyed him movie and that I was ready to murder a theater full of people I hated at the moment.
So should you buy it? If you were in it, sure why not. If you have the outrageous $22.49 they are asking for as the pre-order price and you consider that to be pocket change, be my guest. If you are a horror fanatic, like myself, who will stop at nothing to own all horror ever, not like myself, then why are you reading this review? You are going to get it anyway. It's not the worst film of its type, but it still offers nothing new to a fluctuating genre.
Here's what I liked about it:
1. It was a horror anthology and I am a huge sucker for them.
2. I actually liked the idea of the first 2 stories.
Here's what I hated about it:
1. First story seems to go nowhere after dragging on for a long time.
2. Very predictable ending to the second story.
3. Third story is incredibly unoriginal. Ever see Teeth or Alien? Imagine a combination of the two along with a story of rape/revenge.
4. The special effects look as though they were added by the most basic software. If you hate that "SCARY FACE" effect that everybody and their mother who has a youtube love to try and show off, then you will want to kill yourself before the second story is over. The effect might have been cool in the 80s, but it is not scary and looks like crap.
5. The tie-in story is horrible. It's not well explained and the end "pay-off" is foreseeable and lame. Reminds me of the tie-in story to Late Fee (Ugh. Better not remind myself of that).
Now I'm giving it a 2/5 because I may give this a second chance. From what I remember it was a 1 but that could be for a few reasons :
1. The event was public admission - Being an established reviewer in the horror community, it get's bothersome to try and critique films while a large family with a ratio of 4 kids under the age of 10 to 1 mom are screaming at everything that happens around them. This doesn't just pertain to this film but it ties into my next two points.
2. It was the "WORLD PREMIERE"!!!!!! - This normally isn't a bad thing but it seems like 400 more people entered the Portage theater right as this was about to start. This includes but is not limited to one no-name reporter douche (No offense. I myself fall under this category occasionally) and his camera guy, the possibly homeless, many passerbys who wanna feel a part of something,the false hope-filled aspiring youth and also those who are those involved with #3.
3. The whole cast and crew (and their families, friends, acquaintances, and possible enemies) showed up to the event - What's worse than a theater full of obnoxious people? A theater full of obnoxious people and their "friends"/family watching a movie they were in. It's depressing since I usually express that people be proud of a hard job well done. Since this was poorly done, it doesn't apply here. The special part of the crowd spent the full time saying such insightful "Oh look dare I am!!!" and "Oh snap!!!" and "Baby you were such a good little actress". The wolf whistles were funny when we got to see a glimpse of Marv Blauvelt's beautiful backside but after hearing it everytime an average to good looking chick or kiss was on screen gets annoying.
Oh and the director Anthony G. Sumner is a dickhead. Before the screening, he pretty much informs everyone to keep their harsh criticisms to themselves and that he would just accept any applause as a job well done. After the film ended, and all the "sheeple" around me were clapping as though they just watched Vincent Price performing Hamlet, he had the audacity to go around surveying the audience as though he just made a film as amazing as Apocalypse. He asked me if I liked it, while sporting an evil grin, and I kindly gave him a **** eating grin right back to make it obvious that I had not enjoyed him movie and that I was ready to murder a theater full of people I hated at the moment.
So should you buy it? If you were in it, sure why not. If you have the outrageous $22.49 they are asking for as the pre-order price and you consider that to be pocket change, be my guest. If you are a horror fanatic, like myself, who will stop at nothing to own all horror ever, not like myself, then why are you reading this review? You are going to get it anyway. It's not the worst film of its type, but it still offers nothing new to a fluctuating genre.
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