Welcome back sirs and mams to the place for all of your true horror business. I review alot of films for you guys and well, I really enjoy it. That's why I love getting exclusive content like this to review before it get's a street date because then I can possibly sway you into purchasing a product on DVD/BLU-RAY or I can tell you to burn all of the remaining prints of a film. Now, since last Friday was April 1st, I bet you all thought I watched April Fool's Day and that would be what I would've reviewed next. Well fuck you I'm not a sheep. I hate that film with a passion and I'll save that for a more appropriate time when words aren't so costly. In two days, It'll be time for the 2nd Annual Birdie Awards so I must give something new a chance to win a category, and that's where Blood Junkie and Blood Oath come in. In fact I must say that for this whole month, besides the awards show of course, I'm going to be spending most of my time reviewing nothing but Troma flicks. That's right, April is TROMA MONTH!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD JUNKIE (2010)
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Plot: Two high school babes, two happening dudes, and a boy who's five dollars richer all set off on a camping trip full of drinking and sex. The females and guys are expecting a party, but what they get is a massacre!!!!
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My Thoughts: Now this first film was marketed completely as an 80s styled slasher film shot as though it were made back then. And for once, I can say that this was executed as perfectly as it could have been done. It had everything that epitomizes the archetypal slasher flick of that decade. Decent story with small explanations as the film progresses, fun/creative kills, and one bad-ass looking killer (note: This last part isn't necessarily always true. Memorial Valley Massacre Anyone? Followed the formula but had a fucking caveman as the killer. Ugh we'll get back to that later on.)

I'm not gonna lie, this film bothered the shit out of me (In the annoying department not the disturbing one.). First off, the acting is really strange. When listening to the people speak, you can't tell if it's horrible acting or if it's just overacting on purpose and that distracts the viewer while he's/she's trying to pay attention to the story. One second I'm listening to the two guys talk about picking up chicks and then it cuts to the two girls who are saying, "I like love beer alot. Could you do us a favor and let us buy some AAAAALLLLLCOHOOOOOL?" as those they were the goofiest chicks to ever walk the earth. The other big thing that annoyed me was that besides the opening scene, it's about an hour until we even see the killer. And with a run-time of only 72 minutes, that's not good.

If you are a fan of 80s slashers, you'll love this film as it truely does portray itself as an 80s styled slasher. The ending, while I don't see how it makes sense, is a nice one with a decent twist and the Friday the 13th-esque kills should keep atleast some people happy.
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The Verdict: 7.8/10

Blood Oath (2010)
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Plot: A couple took a blood oath to insure that their newborn twins and crops would be saved, but instead they are tricked into a deal with the devil ending in a car crash in which the couple died, one of the twins was ejected from the vehicle and the other burned alive in the fire and left disfigured yet alive. Fast forward many years later, a group of friends go off to investigate the urban legend of the disfigured twin roaming the woods killing people.
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My thoughts: Unlike Blood Junkie which takes place in the 80s and goes for that retro feel, Blood Oath is just simply put an 80s throwback. It's story is the traditional "Let's look to see if he really exists" plot that killed so many teens back then.

The acting is a drastic improvement over Blood Junkie. It's as if the actors in Junkie were just pals of the director and the ones in Oath are seasoned vets. I can actually sense changes in emotion and everything you'd expect. The kills are in some ways are an improvement too as they are insanely gory compared to the one's in Junkie. The acting and kills just add more scoops of deliciousness to the top of the decent enough story.

THE THING THAT KILLS THIS MOVIE THOUGH IS THE FUCKING LAME-ASS KILLER! Remember how I said I'd bring up Memorial Valley Massacre again? Well that's the first thing I thought about was MVM's goddamn caveman. The killer looks like the product of Howard Stern, Captain Caveman, Fred Flinstone, and Andre the Giant's mixed up spooge that's used to artificially inseminate Whoopi Goldberg. It kills the whole mythology and ruins the feel and atmosphere that the movie had set up as before. And it just drives the idea even more that if you don't have an intimidating killer then your film won't succeed. If the killer looked different and looked more disturbing then I'd gladly give this a score of a 9/10 but I can't. It just distracts and takes away from the movie far too much.

I'd say that as Blood Junkie is recommended for slasher fiends, then I'd have to recommend Blood Oath to fans of over the top cheesy flicks or especially to Troma fans.
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The Verdict: 7.5/10

I would like to thank CAV Distributing and Troma for the movies they sent me to review.

Both are available right now for pre-order on Amazon.com and Troma.com.

Both will be available online on April 12th and in stores on May 10th So pre-order them now so that you could get them as soon as possible.

So I was sitting in my room this morning, playing Dead Rising 2 and eating some flapjacks, when something came across my mind. I looked up at horror movie posters and then I turned around and looked at my monsterous wall of DVDs. Now, I was suddenly overcome with a major reminder of something that I needed to do. I NEEDED TO WRITE A NEW REVIEW. It's been over a month since my last review but I'm back from my hiatus with a new "segment" I would like to call "Movies I Like". It's an easy way for you all non-sheeple out there to get into my head and get to know more about my taste in film and TV shows. And today I have four choices that are all very different from each other.

First off I'll start with a tv show. An MMA TV show in fact.  It's TapOut, a show that aired on Versus back in 2007 and is now on DVD with all 20 episodes in their censored entirety.

The main premise of the show is that the TapOut guys (Mask, Punkass, and Skyskrape) are in search of new fighters to help push their label so that it becomes even bigger than it is. There is a fight each episode involving the fighter that's being highlighted. Besides seeing how the fighters prepare for their fights, you also get to see the TapOut crew's zany antics along the way and an inside look of how their business is run.

This is one of those shows that I have to watch all night because it's so good. I've done that with other shows like Tales From The Crypt, Tales From The Darkside, The Ultimate Fighter, and 1st and Ten (Oh I'll get to that eventually). It's just addicting to watch and I definitely recommend this to anyone who is a fan of Reality TV or Mixed Martial Arts.

Verdict: 9.5/10 for the whole series on DVD. R.I.P Mask.

The next one is sort of hard to recommend to you guys. It's got goofy computerized special effects, an anticlimactic ending, and John Leguizamo playing a sometimes funny but really annoying role as a clown. That's right, it's a movie that people love to shit on, 1997's Spawn.

When a hired killer named Al is dicked over by his boss, "Violator" and the Devil himself, he is hellbent for revenge as the world's greatest Anti-Hero aptly named "SPAWN". When his world is turned upside down, he looks for a way back to sanctity all in the name of love.

As a big fan of the comic books, I rather enjoyed this flick. It's not fantastic but it's still a good adaption of a dark comic book. In fact, it's one of my favorite comic book movies. Michael Jai White does a great job as our hero (as does Martin Sheen as Wynn), the story is actually written fairly well for the screen, the action is cool and it's basically a nerd's wet dream. In all it's a tame dream that could involve more tense orgasmic bliss, but hopefully there will eventually be a sequel for that (and may White reprise his role).

Verdict: 8.5/10

This next one is a sports movie. Well, it's a sports movie that's also a horror-comedy from 1995. It's a wacky, crazy, fun filled 87 minutes of cheese about a killer with a basketball mask and some of the most inventive ideas of killing/ hurting people (Well, not entirely). I'm of course referring to "Night of the Dribbler". The film stars the late great character actor Fred Travalena in several roles ranging from announcer, to reporter, to coach, to detective.

This is definitely one of those really dumb movies that just cheers me the fuck up whenever I even put it near my DVD player. It's got it's share of dumb jokes, but it's got it's share of goofy puns and enough schlock to keep cheese fans like myself rewatching it over and over. I dare to say that I like it more than most Troma flicks.

Verdict: The casual viewer may give it below a 5, but I give it an 8/10. Code Red did horror fans a great justice by releasing this. Keep a look out for more classic and rare horror from them in the future.

The last film is my favorite of the bunch and it's quality on the screen is reflected in the various other reviews all over the internet. It's one of my favorite horror flicks of all time, and it's Dark Night of the Scarecrow.

The movie is about a young girl named Marylee and her friend Bubba, a mentally challenged 30-40 something year old that is hated by the "working men" of the community. When Marylee is viciously attacked by a dog and thought to be dead, these "men" exact revenge by chasing Bubba into a cornfield where they unjustly execute him as he is hiding in a scarecrow outfit. When these "men" are found not responsible for their actions in the court of law, they are mysteriously being picked off one by one in "accidents". Is Bubba killing these men from beyond the grave?

I can't find anything that I hate about this film. Simply put, it's the best made-for-television movie I have ever seen. Not just horror either. It's the best of all the genres. It has a brilliant script, superb acting all around (especially Larry Drake as Bubba), inventive deaths, great atmosphere, perfect scenery, and suspense that would make Hitchcock tip his hat.

I'll sum up my thoughts on this film with just a few quotes from genre greats:

"Terrific script...terrific film!" - Ray Bradbury
"Scary as Hell!" - Stuart Gordon
"Mar-vel-ous! I was terrified!" - Vincent Price

Verdict: 10/10. A classic that you must watch.

The Plot: The water source of a small town is tainted with an experimental "male enhancement" solution that is turning men into raging misogynists. It is up to Phil O'Ginny and his acquaintance Misandra to combat the horrible evil aptly titled "The Taint". Can they survive in a world gone bat-shit crazy? Can a cure be found for "The Taint" or will society be digressed even further to a land of guys with raging testosterone levels and women filled with fear? I'd describe it even farther as "The Crazies on a binge of LSD and Enzyte".
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My Thoughts: My mailman must really hate me. He delivers around 10 dvds a months to me and does his job as good as the next guy. He's an older fella, is always respectful, and is almost always on time. But when he delivered this to me, he dropped down a few pegs in my book. He just happened to read the return address on the package and asked me one of the most awkward questions I've ever been asked by a public service worker, "What is the taint?" While I could have nicely explained that it was a low budget horror film and that I review movies for my own website, I instead took the obvious setup and explained that it is the area in between the balls and the butthole. He, naturally, looked disgusted and walked away quickly. So thanks again for not putting your name on the return address Drew. :D

Now onto the film:

I've got to be honest with you. It was as good as I expected it to be. I'm almost speechless. In fact, I might go as far as to say that it could be the best independent horror comedy I've seen all year. It is without a doubt the funniest one that I've seen all year. And with only two months before I give out the Birdie Awards, this sure makes it harder to decide any definite winners.

I honestly don't have anything bad to say about the movie. The gore effects were amazing, the film was delightfully disgusting, and the story was fairly easy to follow. I liked how flashbacks would delve further into explanations as to what the hell was going on, the main character (portrayed by co-director Drew Bolduc) was likable yet flawed, and that there are plenty of lines that you could quote from the movie. It's well written to the point that the humor is timed well and all of the supporting characters are even enjoyable. The best parts were the misogynists themselves, whether tainted or not. They radiated of the traditional "you need sex to be a man" thought process and exasperated the lengths that men will go to in order to achieve this sensation.

The film also has an undertone that I'm hoping others see in this film. Every man in this movie, except for maybe one of the scientists, is by definition a misogynist. It's obvious when it's portrayed through the crazy people with raging boners and violent behavior, but all of the men show some sort of feeling that they believe women aren't at the same social level as men. For example, my personal favorite character, Misandra's husband. Without being tainted, he spends his time on screen talking about how he beats off to a photo of his wife and lusts for her 24/7. It's as if the tainted water doesn't really make them crazy per say as much as it just expells their most intense sexual drives from their mind to where they are forced to act upon their urges (It doesn't help that it also gives them bigger dicks and larger more copious ejaculations). And I've seen this theme of one's hidden dark side being revealed before in a similar film, The Crazies. And trust me, when you have a guy on the internet positively comparing your film to a classic, your film is pretty fucking good. Directors Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson did just that.

Go watch it or I'll rip your face off. It's 69 minutes of fun.
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The Verdict: 10/10. "Gang rape is not a joke." "We take it very seriously."

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Thanks again to director Drew Bolduc for the screener and for helping me mentally scar my old mailman. Thanks to Dan Nelson

You can buy the dvd on the film's website:
http://www.taintmovie.com/home.html
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Nudity note: This film is filled with dongs and there are a few sets of boobs.

Yea I know this isn't horror related but fuck it. I posted  this on Amazon and I feel like posting it here.

Well I got this 4 days ago from my local F.Y.E. It wasn't until that night that I realized that it actually comes out tomorrow and that someone at F.Y.E must have messed up and put a copy on the shelf.

I must say, as more of a fan of Light Heavyweights and Middleweights, this set is awesome. It's only 1 disc and doesn't have any real features (unless you count the "extra" fights),but it's content is worth the $20 I paid for it. Only one of the fights goes to a decision (Big Nog vs Couture), which makes this an exciting compilation for a newer UFC fan or someone who loves watching people drop or tap. The best part in my opinion is the addition of a few Fight Night and UFC on Versus fights never before released on DVD.

The "20 Full Fights" in the program are accompanied by a brief setup and are as follows:

Tim Sylvia vs Frank Mir from UFC 48
Cro Cop vs Gabriel Gonzaga from UFC 70
Brock Lesnar vs Frank Mir from UFC 81
Christian Wellisch vs Shane Carwin from UFC 84
Fabricio Werdum vs JDS from UFC 90
Randy Couture vs Lesnar from UFC 91
Big Nog vs Mir from UFC 92
Gabriel Gonzaga vs Shane Carwin from UFC 96
Brock Lesnar vs Frank Mir from UFC 100
Tim Hague vs Todd Duffee from UFC 102
Randy Couture vs Big Nog from UFC 102
Roy Nelson vs Brendan Schaub from the Ultimate Fighter 10 Finale
Frank Mir vs Cheick Kongo from UFC 107
JDS vs Gilbert Yvel from UFC 108
Big Nog vs Cain Velasquez from UFC 110
JDS vs Gabriel Gonzaga from UFC on Versus *
Frank Mir vs Shane Carwin from UFC 111
Roy Nelson vs Stefan Struve from UFC Fight Night *
Cro Cop vs Pat Barry from UFC 115
Brock Lesnar vs Shane Carwin from UFC 116

The "Bonus Material" consists of 10 bonus fights, 5 "classic" and 5 modern day, in their entirety as well.

The "Bonus Fights" are:

Frank Mir vs Brandon Vera from UFC 65
Frank Mir vs Antoni Hardonk from UFC 74
Cain Velasquez vs Jake O' Brien from UFC Fight Night *
Shane Carwin vs Neil Wain from UFC 89
Brendan Schaub vs Chase Gormley from UFC on Versus *

The "Classic" fights are:

Tank Abbott vs Joun Matua from UFC 6
Don Frye vs Thomas Ramirez from UFC 8
Mark Coleman vs Dan Severn from UFC 12
Randy Couture vs Tony Halme from UFC 13
Vitor Belfort vs Tank Abbott from UFC 13

So you get alot of bang for your buck and it's well worth the purchase.

* denotes a fight never before released on dvd

Plot: After being stalked by a killer chef in the last two films, Jenny and Sharon are back for so "good ol' slasher fun" in the final installment of what is being billed as "one of the stupidest film trilogies in history". This time around, the workers of a Bong Shop and the workers of a rival cafe are the focus of this crazed killer.
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My Thoughts: This movie sucks. Yep I said it. It sucks. It has a decent backstory, but the film itself is just 71 minutes of poorly edited trash that has about as many technical problems with the dvd that a working dvd can have without being illegal to sell. The aspect ratio looks as though the video was stretched a bit then zoomed in. Looks awful on my 32 inch Sanyo. The scenes are seemingly edited together randomly, which in turn makes the movie feel too rushed and makes things not make sense. Both of these problems make this very hard to watch. Now to the movie.

While I haven't seen the previous two films yet, I notice alot of things about the overall atmosphere of the film. The movie is self aware of it's own suck, which makes it rather humorous. The acting is awful, the dialogue and situations are dumb but that strangely adds to the charm of the picture. The two best actors in the film, Lloyd Kaufman and Dick Boland, happen to play the two most zany characters in the flick. They were honestly the two best things about the film and they also delivered the best lines. Are their performances good enough to save them from The Fan label I give god awful films? Strangely, in this case, they do.

As bad as the editing and writing was, I didn't hate the film as much as I hate the one's in The Fan. The gore was good for low to no budget, the tits were a plenty, and the cook is an interesting killer. Fans of the series and fans of low budget slashers should love it. I say, watch it once or twice. Not good enough for over three viewings, but it's a good way to waste an hour.

One last thing though, don't read the description on the back. Whoever came up with it was dumb enough to accidentally hint as to what the ending is. This wouldn't have been a big deal if the movie actually used the premise throughout, but instead it's just employed at the end as if it was a last minute decision.
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The Verdict: 6/10.
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Thanks to Director Thomas Edward Seymour for the screener. If I get the chance, I'll review the first two films of the series someday.

Well I'm back and here with the first ever HMC ON THE SCENE. Last Saturday was Horror Society's 2-Day film festival (A total of 22 hours between both days if you count the breaks). If you want a picture of any of these film's posters, then just email me.

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Here's the movies I saw:

SATURDAY

A Blind Date with Coffin Joe - Nice little tribute to Joe. Funny too.

TXT: The Movie - Funny as hell, had a nice cameo by Ari Lehman, and Derek Dziak was there. Unfortunately he jetted right after it ended so I didn't have a chance to get my copy of The Landlord signed.

Cabine of the Dead - Funny little French zombie short. Glad to see foreign stuff was submitted.

Lonely - Somewhat funny zombie piece. It was a tad predictable, yet heartwarming.

Get off my Porch - Really funny short that reminds me of why I hate Girl Scouts.

Terrorvision - Still a classic. Definitely one of my favorite cheesy 80s horror flicks.This needs a DVD release.

The Guest - Predictable. That is all.

Staplerfahrer Klaus (AKA Forklift Driver Klaus) - Funny as shit. Highlight as far as all the shorts are concerned. I'll post a link of it in the Birdcage.

Popatopolis - Nice documentary on Jim Wynorski. Too bad the Director left before I could get him to sign my poster. Also too bad that they only brought 10 dvds. They were bought before I could get one and have it signed. Guess I'll have to hunt a copy down.

Chopping Mall - Still a classic and was great to follow up Wynorski's documentary. The kills were great and the robots were awesome.

Ugly - Seven Words. What the fuck did I just see?

Slices of Life - Awful just awful. Overused shitty CGI (mainly that dumb scary face thing thats popular on youtube. It's on every type of movie editor. STOP USING IT!!! IT'S NOT COOL OR SCARY!!!!), the stories were written like shit and copy alot of other films (The 3rd rips off both Teeth and Alien), acting was shitty, and to top it off the whole fucking cast was seemingly in the crowd hootin' and hollerin' throughout the whole fucking thing. It's one thing to be happy that you accomplished something, that you have your film premiere in a beautiful theater, and that you get to feel famous but they people were fucking pricks. They clapped and cheered for every name in the opening credits, clapped and cheered whenever someone new was one the screen, and were just loud assholes. You all know that stereotype about blacks being loud? Well it's true. A family of like 20 of them came to see this garbage and were jabberin' throughout the whole fucking thing. Two black kids, whom belonged to that family, were screaming and being scared as shit throughout right in my fucking ears. GOD DO I HATE GENERAL FUCKING ADMISSION. I feel that I won the whole ordeal though. After the film was done, the director looked me in the eyes and asked me if I liked it. Before the flick, he said that if we don't like the flick then we shouldn't tell him. But since he asked, I gave him a shit-eating grin and a death stare as if saying "No I didn't like your fucking movie. Now go finish your Q&A so I can watch A Serbian Film then go home." He says it took 4 years to write. I could have written that in probably 3 hours. Not worth the 2 hours of watching it. I love Indy-horror, but goddammit it it pains me to see a lack of respect for the whole process and then to see people actually enjoy this. I'd personally rate it a 2/10 and I wish the director good luck on his future.

A Serbian Film - The last film on Saturday night, in 35 mm and was pretty good. Sick as fuck as well. Drug on in parts but that could have been the fact that it was 2 AM and I was a tad tired. Can't wait for a US release.

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SUNDAY

Paisley Babylon - This was a bunch of clips set to a soundtrack scratched by a DJ and included sound bites from Goblin's compositions from Dawn of the Dead. Kinda cool, but it started off Sunday morning and 2:00 P.M. is too early for that shit.


Slime City - Still a grind-house phenomenon. The audience generally loved it and were laughing at the cheesy acting, the brain scene, and the splatter effects. Being a contact to Greg Lamberson, I'm happy he chose to show it there.

Slime City Massacre - Very good sequel but it did take me off guard. Did a great job of explaining the back story of the elixir, the "Himalayan Yogurt" and the cult. Splatter and slime effects were pretty cool, loved the Lloyd Kaufman cameo (As did everyone else. The whole crowd was cheering and yelling "LLOYD!!!!"), the acting was pretty good, and the story was written very well. I liked it and so did almost everyone else.

Satan Hates You - This was ok. Didn't like that two lame demons were the "chorus of this tragedy". The dialog was trash in most parts, and the ending was incredibly predictable. Good gore though. Favorite part was the cameo by Michael Berryman (Hills Have Eyes '77) as a pissed off jesus loving hotel owner. Angus Scrimm and Debbie Rochon also had cameos. Oh and this film did make me very pleased as it scared the shit out of two kids to the point that they both left the theater and one was bawling (Movie wasn't nearly scary enough to cause that. They shouldn't have been there anyway.). Two guys also got kicked out for fucking around with a laser pointer. I HATE GENERAL ADMISSION.

Demons - Loved seeing this in 35mm, but the print they had was chopped down due to damaged slides and damaged scenes. Reminds me that I loved the black pimp, movie theaters are my 3rd favorite movie setting (behind only Malls and Video Rental stores), and that Lamberto must have been smoking crack while directing this.
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Got some cool shit too:

DVDS

Incest Death Squad 2 (signed by Cory J. Udler) - $10
George Romero's The Crazies - $15
5 Films By Dario Argento Anchor Bay set - $25
Region 2 DVD of Popcorn - $20

COMICS/MAGAZINES

Army of Darkness: Ash Saves Obama issues 1-4 (#1 is signed by the artist) - $15
Terror Firmer issue 1 (signed by Lloyd Kaufman) - $6
The Toxic Avenger issue 1 - $5
Pinhead issue 1 - $5
Winter issue of Girls and Corpses - Free because I bought 3 DVDs from one vendor.

POSTERS
Popatopolis
Piranha 3D
Resident Evil Afterlife 3D

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Overall, it was a fun times with only a few problems I had with it. They could have had a few longer breaks instead of just 15 minute ones throughout the day, could have had a few better guests, and they one had one small giveaway for haunted house tickets.

I  had a blast talking to some great people like Cory J. Udler, whom I talked to about religion for 15 straight minutes, and the theater operators who I must thank for doing the hard work that they do. So until next time, this is your boy JB on the scene.