HMC ON THE SCENE: Horror Society Film Festival 2010

10/29/2010

41 Comments

 
Well I'm back and here with the first ever HMC ON THE SCENE. Last Saturday was Horror Society's 2-Day film festival (A total of 22 hours between both days if you count the breaks). If you want a picture of any of these film's posters, then just email me.

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Here's the movies I saw:

SATURDAY

A Blind Date with Coffin Joe - Nice little tribute to Joe. Funny too.

TXT: The Movie - Funny as hell, had a nice cameo by Ari Lehman, and Derek Dziak was there. Unfortunately he jetted right after it ended so I didn't have a chance to get my copy of The Landlord signed.

Cabine of the Dead - Funny little French zombie short. Glad to see foreign stuff was submitted.

Lonely - Somewhat funny zombie piece. It was a tad predictable, yet heartwarming.

Get off my Porch - Really funny short that reminds me of why I hate Girl Scouts.

Terrorvision - Still a classic. Definitely one of my favorite cheesy 80s horror flicks.This needs a DVD release.

The Guest - Predictable. That is all.

Staplerfahrer Klaus (AKA Forklift Driver Klaus) - Funny as shit. Highlight as far as all the shorts are concerned. I'll post a link of it in the Birdcage.

Popatopolis - Nice documentary on Jim Wynorski. Too bad the Director left before I could get him to sign my poster. Also too bad that they only brought 10 dvds. They were bought before I could get one and have it signed. Guess I'll have to hunt a copy down.

Chopping Mall - Still a classic and was great to follow up Wynorski's documentary. The kills were great and the robots were awesome.

Ugly - Seven Words. What the fuck did I just see?

Slices of Life - Awful just awful. Overused shitty CGI (mainly that dumb scary face thing thats popular on youtube. It's on every type of movie editor. STOP USING IT!!! IT'S NOT COOL OR SCARY!!!!), the stories were written like shit and copy alot of other films (The 3rd rips off both Teeth and Alien), acting was shitty, and to top it off the whole fucking cast was seemingly in the crowd hootin' and hollerin' throughout the whole fucking thing. It's one thing to be happy that you accomplished something, that you have your film premiere in a beautiful theater, and that you get to feel famous but they people were fucking pricks. They clapped and cheered for every name in the opening credits, clapped and cheered whenever someone new was one the screen, and were just loud assholes. You all know that stereotype about blacks being loud? Well it's true. A family of like 20 of them came to see this garbage and were jabberin' throughout the whole fucking thing. Two black kids, whom belonged to that family, were screaming and being scared as shit throughout right in my fucking ears. GOD DO I HATE GENERAL FUCKING ADMISSION. I feel that I won the whole ordeal though. After the film was done, the director looked me in the eyes and asked me if I liked it. Before the flick, he said that if we don't like the flick then we shouldn't tell him. But since he asked, I gave him a shit-eating grin and a death stare as if saying "No I didn't like your fucking movie. Now go finish your Q&A so I can watch A Serbian Film then go home." He says it took 4 years to write. I could have written that in probably 3 hours. Not worth the 2 hours of watching it. I love Indy-horror, but goddammit it it pains me to see a lack of respect for the whole process and then to see people actually enjoy this. I'd personally rate it a 2/10 and I wish the director good luck on his future.

A Serbian Film - The last film on Saturday night, in 35 mm and was pretty good. Sick as fuck as well. Drug on in parts but that could have been the fact that it was 2 AM and I was a tad tired. Can't wait for a US release.

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SUNDAY

Paisley Babylon - This was a bunch of clips set to a soundtrack scratched by a DJ and included sound bites from Goblin's compositions from Dawn of the Dead. Kinda cool, but it started off Sunday morning and 2:00 P.M. is too early for that shit.


Slime City - Still a grind-house phenomenon. The audience generally loved it and were laughing at the cheesy acting, the brain scene, and the splatter effects. Being a contact to Greg Lamberson, I'm happy he chose to show it there.

Slime City Massacre - Very good sequel but it did take me off guard. Did a great job of explaining the back story of the elixir, the "Himalayan Yogurt" and the cult. Splatter and slime effects were pretty cool, loved the Lloyd Kaufman cameo (As did everyone else. The whole crowd was cheering and yelling "LLOYD!!!!"), the acting was pretty good, and the story was written very well. I liked it and so did almost everyone else.

Satan Hates You - This was ok. Didn't like that two lame demons were the "chorus of this tragedy". The dialog was trash in most parts, and the ending was incredibly predictable. Good gore though. Favorite part was the cameo by Michael Berryman (Hills Have Eyes '77) as a pissed off jesus loving hotel owner. Angus Scrimm and Debbie Rochon also had cameos. Oh and this film did make me very pleased as it scared the shit out of two kids to the point that they both left the theater and one was bawling (Movie wasn't nearly scary enough to cause that. They shouldn't have been there anyway.). Two guys also got kicked out for fucking around with a laser pointer. I HATE GENERAL ADMISSION.

Demons - Loved seeing this in 35mm, but the print they had was chopped down due to damaged slides and damaged scenes. Reminds me that I loved the black pimp, movie theaters are my 3rd favorite movie setting (behind only Malls and Video Rental stores), and that Lamberto must have been smoking crack while directing this.
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Got some cool shit too:

DVDS

Incest Death Squad 2 (signed by Cory J. Udler) - $10
George Romero's The Crazies - $15
5 Films By Dario Argento Anchor Bay set - $25
Region 2 DVD of Popcorn - $20

COMICS/MAGAZINES

Army of Darkness: Ash Saves Obama issues 1-4 (#1 is signed by the artist) - $15
Terror Firmer issue 1 (signed by Lloyd Kaufman) - $6
The Toxic Avenger issue 1 - $5
Pinhead issue 1 - $5
Winter issue of Girls and Corpses - Free because I bought 3 DVDs from one vendor.

POSTERS
Popatopolis
Piranha 3D
Resident Evil Afterlife 3D

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Overall, it was a fun times with only a few problems I had with it. They could have had a few longer breaks instead of just 15 minute ones throughout the day, could have had a few better guests, and they one had one small giveaway for haunted house tickets.

I  had a blast talking to some great people like Cory J. Udler, whom I talked to about religion for 15 straight minutes, and the theater operators who I must thank for doing the hard work that they do. So until next time, this is your boy JB on the scene.
41 Comments
 

The Fan: The Great American Snuff Film (2009)

06/21/2010

48 Comments

 
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Plot: Two guys abduct two girls to fulfill their snuff film aspirations. *yawn*
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My Thoughts: Don’t let that fake yawn fool you. I had mild expectations for this film. It had nice cover art, it dealt with snuff films (an intriguing topic), and it is supposedly based on a true story. It somehow didn’t even match my hopes in the slightest.

To start out the film, were are told that the movie we are about to see is a dramatization of the true life events performed by William Allen Grone in the late 90s. Key word? DRAMATIZATION. The choice to put this before the film was a terrible decision as it put the viewer out of their place. They all of a sudden can’t be put into the movie mentally and there is immediately no reason to care about anything they are about to watch (It also doesn‘t help that the characters are morons that we can‘t care about either and the actors can‘t act).

I expected rape, violence, blood, gore, brutality, murder, horrible unjust crimes but the movie had little to give. The most violent part was either a simple little stab or a gunshot to the head. Pretty tame since there wasn’t anything spectacular done to the “victims” when they were captive. Cigarette burns were the worst they got until around 70 minutes into the movie. At the point, I was almost going to turn it off. They tried to interject some hooker crap into the plot, but it didn’t add to the story.

Their biggest problem, going with the fact that the characters are unlikeable, is that no character is explained very much. No backgrounds whatsoever unless you count that one killer is revealed to have erectile disfunction.

At the end, we are given 2 minutes or so of “real” snuff footage shot by Grone in 1998. I’m almost 100% sure that that was another dramatization used to try to captivate the audience like another “movie” did last year (The Fourth Kind). My beliefs are justified even more for the fact that a google search for Grone shows nothing but pages about this movie and other people not having any information about him. It’s very disappointing.
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Verdict: 1.5/10
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Note: 1 pair of boobs in “stock” scenes.

Thanks to Brain Damage films for the screener. Keep your eyes open for my review of Gorno in the upcoming weeks.
48 Comments
 

Freddy-Thon 2010: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

04/30/2010

102 Comments

 
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Plot: Don't play stupid. It's a remake of the 1984 classic A Nightmare on Elm Street. It's pretty much the same story with some changed names and new "creative" twists from those douchebags at Platinum Dunes. Nancy and friends are stalked by a strange misfigured man but don't know why.
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My Thoughts: Well. So much for thinking that I might enjoy this one. Welcome back to the Freddy-Thon where I'm here to present Nightmare fans with bad news. This film sucks. So now after wasting two hours in a boiling hot movie theater surrounded by loud assholes, I'm forced to go back to the Fan section of my reviews (and oh boy did this movie hit the fan.).

Many of you reading this will be gravely disappointed to hear that if you watched all of the trailers, like me, then you will find this movie to be long, tedious, and drug out. The shit that was shown in the trailers was pretty much the whole movie. This is another case, just like 2003's When a Stranger Calls, where the trailers ruined too much of the movie (Atleast the climax of this movie managed to stay intact.)

Now, as a true Nightmare on Elm Street fan through and through, I will say that this did feel like a Nightmare flick. This is perhaps due to Jackie Earle Haley giving arguably his best performance to date. Watching him being a mean S.O.B. while still giving funny and somewhat disturbing one-liners was actually pretty entertaining. I do wish though that someone else would have actually realized that they are supposed to be acting and now just showing their "gusied up", "teen heartbeat" faces. And it pains me to say, that while it's usually one of the outrageously pretty people who is the worst actor, Connie Britton steals the infamy in her role as Nancy's mother.

While we are on the topic of people's mothers, Nancy has no father figure in this movie. In fact, whenever I saw someone who had a parent, the parent seemingly had no spouse or partner. What the fuck is this? An ad for a dating service? Removing Nancy's father from the picture is like taking the backbone out of a human. In the original movie, Nancy's father was there for her in the end. He was the one person who would help her when the others failed or didn't believe her. He was a pivotal character in the series and I'm sure that John Saxon is somewhere tossing and turning in his sleep since his character was scrapped so tastelessly.

The story is a decent one. Like I said, it's basically the same as the original. I know what some of you are probably wondering, "If it's the same then doesn't that mean it's great?" No. Everything that they added seemed to sucked the soul out of the original idea. For example, they don't really focus on Nancy that much in the first thirty or so minutes. Instead they focus on Kris, a.k.a Tina's replacement. This could be very confusing for new viewers who have never seen a Nightmare on Elm Street film before. And nobody even get me started on the "micro" naps bullshit. That was easily the dumbest way I've ever seen a movie try to explain something. It felt as though the guys at Platinum Dunes didn't feel like anyone can comprehend an idea unless they explain it to you. It's like if you didn't want to eat a certain food but some asshole keeps shoveling the shit into you're mouth.

The kills are not very good either (They even basically reused Tina's death for Kris). They are good ideas for kills but they are presented horribly with crappy CGI. Actually, everything in the movie seemed tainted by CGI. The re-shot "rubber" wall bit based of the original, the blood, the fire, hell I think even Freddy's face was messed up too with CGI "touch-ups". This was even more disappointing since I didn't mind Freddy's new make-up until they started messing around on their computers.

I'm also dreadful to say that the ending was bad like the rest of the movie. The way Freddy "died" was fucking pathetic. And right before he gets his, one of the worst alluding quotes comes out of Nancy's mouth that made me want to hang myself. What does she say? Well she quote's Lori from Freddy vs Jason. You probably can already guess what it is she says so I'm just going to leave it at that.

So let's tally that up. One recycled script, some bad CGI, pointlessly pretty actors and actresses for teens to masterbate to, stupid "new" background information, Nancy's mom is a shitty actress, the "twists" are stupid, and there is a bad ending. Subtract that from ten and you get all of the points this movie got from Haley alone.
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Verdict: 3/10. One...Two... Thanks for the money.
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This concludes our Freddy-Thon. I would have loved to have ended on a lighter note but shit happens. I'm hoping that it gets better really soon. Especially since Fred Eggink from the Never Sleep Again documentary emailed me  yesterday to say the DVD is in the mail. That should be fun and I'm very excited for it. Stay tuned til then Freddy fans and sleep well.
102 Comments
 

The Fan: Maskhead (2009)

04/05/2010

51 Comments

 
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Plot: Syl and Maddie, a lesbian couple who produce fetish videos and dark specialty movies, look for models and other people to be in their videos. With the help of a douchebag named The Cowboy, production continues on their best-selling series "Maskhead" which just happens to feature a large man in a sweet mask torturing and killing his "co-stars" on film. Now ask yourself, do you care?
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My thoughts: When I first found out about Maskhead, I did something terrible. I pretty much read one review on imdb (Oh god), didn't watch a trailer, and I just immediately asked Toe Tag for a copy. Now that I justified how dumb I am, time to roast this bitch.

Maskhead is easilly one of the worst independent films I've seen recently. The acting from literally everyone is horrible, excluding Maskhead himself. The two worst actors, to everyone's dismay, are the girls who played Syl and Maddie. They have so much screen time in this film that I wanted to fucking kill myself. They sounded like retarded, drunk, co-eds that were trying to act smart. I don't even know how to describe it it's so bad.

The major things that killed this movie is pacing, editing, and story. All three coinsided together to just ruin everything. Maskhead has the curse of what I call, "the AB pattern". As with every bad movie, there can usually be a pattern followed. The way it worked for this movie is that there would be usually 15- 20 minutes of ass and nothing important happening and then there would be a kill. This made the movie drag out and seem boring as hell. And the acting just compounded that to make every scene shitty.

Now there are three things I enjoyed. The first thing is the kills. While they weren't spectacular by far, they still broke the monotany and delivered something my ass could actually watch. Another thing was the ending. I won't spoil it but it's probably one of the more gruesome things I've seen for awhile and it would please any bondage/fetish fan. The last thing was, of course, the Maskhead character. Whenever he'd show up on screen, the scene would immediately get better. His acting could be compared to Leatherface's performance in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. He did a good job and I'd be happy to watch another film with him in it.

Overall, the movie is pretty fucking bad. All of the good things don't overshadow the bad thing. I'd say skip it.
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Verdict: 4/10
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Thanks to Toe Tag Pictures for the screener.
51 Comments
 

The Fan: Seed Of Chucky (2004)

02/03/2009

27 Comments

 

Plot: Glen or Glenda (aka Shit Face), the son/daughter of Chucky and Tiffany, joins his parents in their life as killer dolls.
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My Thoughts: If you are a big fan of The Child's Play series, then you might not be incredibly disappointed with this piece of garbage (Eventhough you should be). If you hate the movies, definently avoid this one. It's the worst in the series. It has retarded moments ranging from Redman's shitty looking death to chucky masterbating. It has it's moments though like a good opening and ending. This movie did disappoint me though. Funny, but not really scary at all.
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Verdict: 4/10, just because it's a chucky movie, doesn't mean it's good.
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Notes: Nice naked chick in the opening.

27 Comments
 

The Fan: I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

02/03/2009

15 Comments

 

Plot: A girl is tortured, dumped in a ditch, and doesn't die like she is supposed to.
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My Thoughts: I thought, before seeing this movie, that When a Stranger Calls was absolutely fuckin terrible. This movie makes that one look like a classic. I've never wanted to kill Lindsay Lohan as much as this before. It has a terribly stupid plot and has the worst movie moments I have ever seen including when she wakes up and finds out that she has a stub of a thigh left of her leg. I wanna commit suicide after this. This is the worst movie in the history of time. I would rather watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show for the rest of my life than watch this one more time.
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Verdict: 0/10, -9000/1000000
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Note: Lindsay Lohan is still a skank. A good looking syphillis infested prostitute.

15 Comments
 

The Fan: When A Stranger Calls (2006)

02/03/2009

30 Comments

 

Plot: A babysitter is being harassed by a man who is calling from "INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!"
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My Thoughts: When I saw the trailer for this movie, it didn't look half bad. Then I rented it. The trailer was better than the movie. This movie was the worst movie I have ever seen. I predicted everything that was going to happen next, and i am not exaggerating. I recommend Rent more than this piece of shit. Rent!!! This movie is worse than a musical about gay people, people who have aids, and gay people with aids. (Yes, this movie is that bad.) I would rather watch Brokeback Mountain. I wouldn't even recommend this to my worst enemies it is that bad.
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Verdict: 0/10, Did you check your pulse? This movie probably bored you to death.
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Notes: Watch the original. It is alot better.

30 Comments
 

The Fan: The Unborn (2009)

02/03/2009

20 Comments

 

Plot:
A girl is being haunted by her brother, Jumby, who died in utero in the form of her great uncle Barto.

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My Thoughts: I saw this movie three times. Not because it was a good movie, but because I got in free twice and one was a date(Mall Cop was sold out). This movie was retarded. It had me in tears laughing. The plot was really stupid and the ending was incredibly easy to guess. It reminded me of the grudge movies and the ring 2 (I wonder why). This was worse than Seed of Chucky.

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Verdict: 2/10. If this were a comedy, it would get awards.

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Note: cameltoe and fetuses.

20 Comments