Plot: Don't play stupid. It's a remake of the 1984 classic A Nightmare on Elm Street. It's pretty much the same story with some changed names and new "creative" twists from those douchebags at Platinum Dunes. Nancy and friends are stalked by a strange misfigured man but don't know why.
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My Thoughts: Well. So much for thinking that I might enjoy this one. Welcome back to the Freddy-Thon where I'm here to present Nightmare fans with bad news. This film sucks. So now after wasting two hours in a boiling hot movie theater surrounded by loud assholes, I'm forced to go back to the Fan section of my reviews (and oh boy did this movie hit the fan.).

Many of you reading this will be gravely disappointed to hear that if you watched all of the trailers, like me, then you will find this movie to be long, tedious, and drug out. The shit that was shown in the trailers was pretty much the whole movie. This is another case, just like 2003's When a Stranger Calls, where the trailers ruined too much of the movie (Atleast the climax of this movie managed to stay intact.)

Now, as a true Nightmare on Elm Street fan through and through, I will say that this did feel like a Nightmare flick. This is perhaps due to Jackie Earle Haley giving arguably his best performance to date. Watching him being a mean S.O.B. while still giving funny and somewhat disturbing one-liners was actually pretty entertaining. I do wish though that someone else would have actually realized that they are supposed to be acting and now just showing their "gusied up", "teen heartbeat" faces. And it pains me to say, that while it's usually one of the outrageously pretty people who is the worst actor, Connie Britton steals the infamy in her role as Nancy's mother.

While we are on the topic of people's mothers, Nancy has no father figure in this movie. In fact, whenever I saw someone who had a parent, the parent seemingly had no spouse or partner. What the fuck is this? An ad for a dating service? Removing Nancy's father from the picture is like taking the backbone out of a human. In the original movie, Nancy's father was there for her in the end. He was the one person who would help her when the others failed or didn't believe her. He was a pivotal character in the series and I'm sure that John Saxon is somewhere tossing and turning in his sleep since his character was scrapped so tastelessly.

The story is a decent one. Like I said, it's basically the same as the original. I know what some of you are probably wondering, "If it's the same then doesn't that mean it's great?" No. Everything that they added seemed to sucked the soul out of the original idea. For example, they don't really focus on Nancy that much in the first thirty or so minutes. Instead they focus on Kris, a.k.a Tina's replacement. This could be very confusing for new viewers who have never seen a Nightmare on Elm Street film before. And nobody even get me started on the "micro" naps bullshit. That was easily the dumbest way I've ever seen a movie try to explain something. It felt as though the guys at Platinum Dunes didn't feel like anyone can comprehend an idea unless they explain it to you. It's like if you didn't want to eat a certain food but some asshole keeps shoveling the shit into you're mouth.

The kills are not very good either (They even basically reused Tina's death for Kris). They are good ideas for kills but they are presented horribly with crappy CGI. Actually, everything in the movie seemed tainted by CGI. The re-shot "rubber" wall bit based of the original, the blood, the fire, hell I think even Freddy's face was messed up too with CGI "touch-ups". This was even more disappointing since I didn't mind Freddy's new make-up until they started messing around on their computers.

I'm also dreadful to say that the ending was bad like the rest of the movie. The way Freddy "died" was fucking pathetic. And right before he gets his, one of the worst alluding quotes comes out of Nancy's mouth that made me want to hang myself. What does she say? Well she quote's Lori from Freddy vs Jason. You probably can already guess what it is she says so I'm just going to leave it at that.

So let's tally that up. One recycled script, some bad CGI, pointlessly pretty actors and actresses for teens to masterbate to, stupid "new" background information, Nancy's mom is a shitty actress, the "twists" are stupid, and there is a bad ending. Subtract that from ten and you get all of the points this movie got from Haley alone.
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Verdict: 3/10. One...Two... Thanks for the money.
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This concludes our Freddy-Thon. I would have loved to have ended on a lighter note but shit happens. I'm hoping that it gets better really soon. Especially since Fred Eggink from the Never Sleep Again documentary emailed me  yesterday to say the DVD is in the mail. That should be fun and I'm very excited for it. Stay tuned til then Freddy fans and sleep well.

Plot: Kevin Marks, a young man tormented by memories of his own childhood kidnapping by Freddy Krueger (Pre-death of course), finds himself once again being stalked by the maniacal killer. With the help of his Native American crush, will Kevin be able to withstand Freddy's powers? Or will he just be fresh meat for Freddy.
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My thoughts: In a timeline of the Nightmare on Elm Street films, it's easy to get confused. 1,3,4, and 5 are barely connected plot-wise while 2 is a completely unrelated situation that would just be ignored and Freddy's Dead was the perverbial end. New Nightmare lives in an alternate universe where the viewer is told to know that it's not real and it's just a movie, and Freddy vs Jason is fucking impossible to place anywhere on the pre-existing timelines. The cool thing about Freddy's Return is that it fits nicely in between The Dream Child and Freddy's Dead. It was a great choice by the filmmakers to make it so.

This movie is easily the best fan film I've ever seen. And I have seen alot of them (Horror House Cult Murders anybody?). The film does a great job of switching back and forth between Kevin's childhood nightmares and his current day problems dealing with Mr. Krueger. It also, suprisingly, has extremely original kill sequences and to my knowledge only borrows one gimmick from The Dream Master".

The acting is spectacular as well. Jennifer Farr and David Buczynksi do great jobs as the two heros of the story. The guy who played Freddy also did a good job.

To be fair, Freddy's makeup was great. It had the feel of the original makeup without just looking like an alien or an inbred retard (Sorry "new" Freddy and Victor Crowley). The glove was also damn fine as well.

To end, the story was good, the ending was fun, and it never disappointed me. It felt like a direct to DVD sequel instead of just a $3,000 fan film. I honestly prefer it over a few of the sequels.
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Verdict: 9/10. (Some CGI and audio problems docked it a point. Sorry.)
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Sadly this movie isn't on DVD.

But you can download it here:
http://nightmareonelmstreetmovie.com/freddy%E2%80%99s-return-nightmare-reborn
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Come back in like 4 hours as I wrap-up the Freddy-Thon with the remake.

Today is April 29th, 2010. Freddy fans everywhere are going insane with the remake hitting theaters tomorrow and a new documentary on the horizon. Now I've already gotten 1-3 reviewed so that leaves only 5 more to go. Since, in my opinion, the best three are out of the way, I'm just going to briefly go over the remainder of the series.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4: The Dream Master

Plot: Freddy is back to kill off Joey, Kinkaid, and Kristen. Unfortunately for their friends (Alice, Dan, Debbie, and Sheila) Kristen accidentally leads Freddy to them and gives him a new cast of victims.
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My Thoughts: This film wasn't that bad. It had pretty good kills, a fun story, and the acting was so-so (Englund once again is great as Freddy).
 
The things that I have problems with are minor. Instead of Patricia Arquette reprising her role, we are stuck with Tuesday Knight who is just akward in this role. The ending, while having spectacular effects, also feels like a cop-out. The way that Alice "defeats" Freddy is pretty lame.
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Verdict: 8/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5: The Dream Child

Plot: Alice is back and guess what? She's pregnant. Freddy is now using her sleeping, unborn baby as a vessel to get into her and her friend's dreams.
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My Thoughts: This is without a doubt, my least favorite movie in the series. This has so much that brings it down. The one-liners from Freddy are more prominent, but the aren't funny at all. They are just plain stupid.

The kills are also disappointing. They are still imaginative, but they just aren't any fun (Not to mention that the kills are seperated far apart by pointless scenes and other nonsense). One kill, involving a comic book styled fantasy, is the cheesiest thing I have ever seen. Can you say "Super Freddy"?

The ending is just annoying. After the sweet effects from part 4's ending, you would expect more from this one right? No. It's much worse and it keeps being broken down because Alice's "son" Jacob is there to say some of my least favorite lines in a movie ever. Skip this unless you are a massive fan of Freddy. Englund is the only major redeeming quality of this flick.
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Verdict: 5/10.

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Plot: "John Doe" is stalked by our good ol' pal Freddy. He is apparently the last of the Elm Street children. Well "John" ends up, unfortunately at a detention center for juvenile delinquents. Freddy follows suit.
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My Thoughts: This is the one film that most Nightmare fans put on the bottom of the list of Top Nightmare on Elm Street flicks. But to me, it is a guilty pleasure. I know that it is bad, I know the kills are cheesy, but yet I enjoy watching the film again and again.

The acting is perhaps the best thing about this movie. Englund has yet another solid performance and delivers some truely funny moments. Breckin Meyer, like Johnny Depp did in the original Nightmare on Elm Street and Patricia Arquette had done in Dream Warriors, starts his career off nice with a memorable role as Spencer, a huge stoner who is easy prey for Freddy. Alice Cooper also has cameo as Freddy's step-father and Rosanne and Tom Arnold are just kind of there.

The cheesy atmosphere, and the corny kills do hinder the film. But like I said, I somehow enjoyed this.
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Verdict: 6.5/10.

Wes Craven's New Nightmare

Plot: Heather Langenkamp is haunted byher past involvement with the Nightmare on Elm Street series. It now seems that Freddy is actually real and is going after Nancy's son Dylan.
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My Thoughts: This film is another example of a good sequel. What did this film do right that the previous few didn't?

- It was serious and not too corny. This was a great idea since Freddy is supposed to actually exist.

- It is genuinely creepy and throwsback to a few classic kills of the original series.

- Freddy's look was updated in a good way. Freddy looked good in a jacket.

Now the film is slowed down alot by boring parts and some scenes that are a little confusing. That's the only major problem I had with the film, well that and the fact that you are reminded that the Nightmare on Elm Street films are just films. It sort of taintly a little bit of the horror.

Englund does a great job as both Freddy and Himself, Wes Craven was a dandy, and it was nice to see Heather Langenkamp again. Definently recommended.
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Verdict: 8.5/10

Freddy vs Jason

Plot: Freddy is in hell. He can't come back because noone is afraid. He enlists Jason as a "messenger" to bring fear back to Elm Street. But after Jason won't stop killing people, Freddy gets pissed and It's on like Donkey Kong.
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My Thoughts: This movie could have been alot better and was one sided in Jason's favor. Jason get's more kills, more focus, and he even gets the best moments in the movie. It was much more like watching a Friday the 13th movie than a Nightmare movie.I will say though, that Englund did a better job than Ken Kirzinger. He made Freddy even funnier than usual and exceeded my expectations. The acting in general was also decent, except for Katharine Isabelle as Gibb (The scene where she is screaming is one of the worst faces any actress has ever made).

The kills were pretty good, the characters were memorable, and there was even a good amount of nudity. The story has problems, there was little love for Freddy, and the ending is a cheap way to set up a sequel that never got made. Freddy vs Jason is only enjoyable because of Englund's awesome performance, the kills, and the short fight near the end of the movie by Freddy and Jason.
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Verdict: 7/10
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Stay tuned as we wrap up the Freddy-Thon tomorrow with a fan film and the remake.

Plot: Kristen Parker, yet another insomniac from Elm Street, is admitted to an insane asylum for attempted suicide; which was actually Freddy attacking her. She is introduced to a group of six other teenagers who also dream of Freddy. The group is made up from a seemingly mute teen, an ex-junkie, a suicidal Dungeons and Dragon's nerd, an aspiring actress, a skilled creator of marionettes and puppets, and the first black person to be a main character in the entire series (Casted as a thug. Go figure. Thanks Hollywood!). Together, they must fend off Freddy or never leave the asylum. 
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My Thoughts: Picking up after Freddy's Revenge, Dream Warriors pretty much acts as the direct sequel to the original Nightmare on Elm Street. While part 2 had almost nothing to do with the original, part 3 brings back Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) to rekindle the feud she had with Freddy and hopefully resolve her own other personal demons.

Compared to part 2, Nightmare on Elm Street 3 has a much more improved story. Freddy's Revenge basically rewrote everything, and then Dream Warriors brought back what was great about the original film and added it's own little twist to everything. This is most evident how it delves more into the background story of how the use of religion is effective against Freddy, similar to the crucifix idea.

The kills, I must say, are the best part about the movie. The first kill is easily the most gruesome death in the entire series and the second is another that is remembered by horror fans all around the world. Since this is the movie where Freddy really starts running his mouth, his kills are used plastered with his witty one-liners. I know it sounds bad, but the one-liners actually enhance the reaction to the kills. In fact, one line Freddy says in this film has become one of the greatest lines in a horror movie ever. In my mind, it even rivals Dr.Loomis's "evil child" rant from Halloween.

The acting is also pretty damn good. Patricia Arquette is great as Kristin, Robert Englund reminds everyone why he "IS" Freddy, and Heather Langenkamp does a good job of reprising her role as Nancy. Everyone does a pretty good job except for maybe the actress who played the nurse.

The soundtrack, composed mainly of Dokken, rocks. One track, titled "Dream Warriors", was made especially for the film by Dokken. Over time, it became one of Dokken's biggest hits and has one of the best horror themed music videos ever (It only competes with Alice Cooper's He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)). I even occasionally find myself bursting out into singing this song. It's just that awesome.

A nice ending, some awesome special effects, and downright disturbing moments add together with the other things makes this a must see for horror fans. If you haven't seen it, check it out.
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Verdict: 10/10. "WELCOME TO PRIMETIME BITCH!"
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Stay tuned for the quick reviews for the last 5 Nightmare on Elm Street films as I go over the worst half of the franchise. This will be followed by a review of a NoES fan film. Keep reading and sweet dreams.

Plot: Freddy is back in the first of 7 "sequels" to the 1984 classic A Nightmare on Elm Street. In the film, Freddy is haunting a young man named Jesse. Jesse just so happens to have moved into the old Krueger/Thompson house and he becomes the new Elm Street kid. Freddy wants to control him and use him to regain his lost life to stalk and murder more young teens. Ironically, all of this happens to go down during a time in young Jesse's life where he wants to get some. Will Jesse have what it takes? Or will he just whine like a bitch for an hour and a half?
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My Thoughts: Sequels, in general, never live up to the success of the original movie. They are usually not as liked by critics and the fans either love them or hate them. Freddy's Revenge is no exception.

In this film, they scrapped alot of preset ideas from the original. In the original, Freddy fought Nancy and her friends. This is immediately axed away by the new crew. It was also notible that in the first film, Freddy could only come into the "real" world when someone wakes up with him in their grasp. In this film, however, Freddy can kind of control when he enters into the real world. All he has to do is use Jesse as a vessell and it's smooth sailing for Krueger.

Freddy's Revenge also lacks any religious undertone whatsoever. In Wes Craven's masterpiece, the crucifix was a symbolic piece and it showed a presence of eternal evil fighting the power of beliefs and moral values of a community. Freddy even mocks Tina in a scene when he calls himself god. In fact, the word crucifix is only mention once and that's when the damn song is being sung. It's as if noone writing this film remembered that Freddy is supposed to be the essence of evil and they thought that he was just another maniac (I can tell that something was wrong with this especially since the following sequels except New Nightmare and Freddy vs Jason made sure to include some christian ideals into the plots).
 
For some reason, the filmmakers decided to have a homosexual undertone in this movie. Now I'm not sure if it was on purpose but it is evident, easy to notice, and many others including me have thought about it. The akward way Jesse and Grady interact, Jesse dancing, the leather pants Jesse's gym teacher wears, the "gay" bar and the various gay jokes keep the idea a possibility. I believe the film could easily have left all of these out and the product could have been taken a little more serious. It really messes with the "romantic" plotline that is in place.

Now the acting is more or less a mixed bag of hacks and people who know what they are actually doing. Mark Patton does a decent job playing Jesse. Even though he screams like a dying woman for the majority of the film, Patton masterfully makes the audience sympathize for Jesse as we feel his emotions rush through his body and we generally feel bad for him. Robert Englund once again steals the show as Freddy and gives an amazing followup to his last role in A Nightmare on Elm Street. Everyone else except Jesse's family did a good job as well.

The kills are well done but a little tame. I won't go any further with that.

The makeup is improved, I must say, over the original. Sure Freddy is still in the shadows and as dark as he was before, but trust me. One scene in this film alone involving a brain gives this movie the edge.

The ending is easily predictable. They also drag it out so much that it leaves you with only one sensible conclusion.

The film, in the end, is decent in my opinion. If you can get through the homosexuality, the few dumb scenes and Mark Patton screaming, then you might actually enjoy this flick.
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Verdict: 6.5/10. You've got the body, I've got the brains.

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Stay tuned for A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors.

Plot: Nancy and her 3 friends are being stalked by a maniac. But this is not just a normal stalker. This is Fred Krueger (AKA Freddy). Freddy goes where no other killer can as he kills his victims in the one place they are most vulnerable, their dreams.
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My Thoughts: Now since I'm guessing that you the reader are a horror fan, the chances are you've seen this movie. Chances are, you are only reading this because it pertains to quite possibly the most iconic killer of all time. Well, in preparation for perhaps the most controversial remake/reimagining of all time, I'm hosting this 4 day Freddy-Thon to give the original series it's due, review a few indy fan films, talk about my fascination with the films, and review the remake on the 30th. I'm also watching all the films on VHS (Hooray!).

Now, to get this out of the way, I am in love with this movie and I have sited it as my favorite horror flick of all time. I own every single Nightmare on Elm Street DVD ever made (except the new one) and the VHS boxset. I have grown up with Freddy. No matter how old I got, I still had his figure with me. I dreamt of Freddy, watched Freddy and basically idolized him. He is easily the greatest thing to happen to my life. Now, to the film itself:

It is a masterpiece of cinema. It had everything that could possibly make it a great film. It had great acting, notably Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund and Johnny Depp; it had great effects and amazing illusions; It had a great concept, story, and a director who knew what to do. The mood that was set by the dark idea of a child murderer exacting his revenge on high schoolers from beyond the grave is surely one that will be remembered for a long time to come. I could go on for days.

Since this is a classic, I will leave the rest in the readers hands and I won't go any further with this review. If you haven't seen this, then you better soon or Freddy will get you.
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Verdict: 10/10. One, Two, Freddy's Coming For You!
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Stay tuned for A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge.